Complete this, aye?

Complete This Sentence ???
(ripped from Berry's blog. :P)

i am not: perfect
i hurt: myself to see how much I bleed
i love: no one
i hate: those who hurt me
i fear: The Most Merciful One...
i hear: voices in my head
i crave: for freedom
i regret: hurting people
i cry: every night...
i care: about someone...
i always: love her
i long to: be free
i feel alone: all the time
i listen: to voices in my head
i hide: my psychotic ego
i drive: my family's car
i sing: when I'm sad or happy
i dance: on my enemy's sorrow

i write: my part of life
i breathe: His air
i play: guitars and myself.. :P

i miss: no one
i search: for His Grace
i learn: from Ustaz Ishak Itam
i feel: sorrow and gloomy
i know: that all death are certain

i say: i love you when i mean it
i succeed: in hurting myself
i fail: to be the perfect person
i dream: about my freedom
i sleep: alone
i worry: about my economy
i have: a broken heart
i give: my heart to others
i fight: for what i believe in

i wait: for my turn to be free.....
i need: a decent meal
i am: another pathetic person who walks the earth
i think: about it all the time....
i can't help the fact that: my heart was smash to bits..
i stay: in Johor Bahru.. damn it...

Fixing @ 1%

Waking up early in the morning, I have no thoughts whatsoever. Empty is my head. Walking straight to the toilet, doing normal things that I did for the past few years. Brush my teeth. Shower. Put some clothes. Breakfast. Go to work.

As I stare my pathetic self in front of the mirror, I saw something's wrong with myself, and I wonder, what? I still have my eyes, though it's still swollen and red, but it's still there. I still have my nose, and my mouth. Could it be my tongue? Or my teeth? I open my smelly mouth and looked closely inside of it. Still there. Pinky tongue and not-so-white teeth are still there, hanging on. I still have my arms. My fingers are all intact, along with the nails. My body's still normal (not perfect, mind you.. :P). But wait... Could it be? Awwww shucks... I looked down between my thigh. Yup. Still there, old buddy. We've dated back in 11th November 1982, and I never parted with my old buddy since. Still there. Still hanging on.

I took my bath normally, still thinking about the missing thing. After doing all the washing and cleaning, I put on my robe and took my ablution. Then, on my way to my prayer mat, I realize the missing part of my body. My heart.

Yup, checking on it, it's still there. But not as it use to be. It used to be strong and full of love and happiness and whatever shit u called it. Now it's nothing but dust. Like a sand that went straight through your fingers.

Yup. It's broken.

100% broken.

Here I am, sitting and typing with tears clogging up my eyes. How do I fix this broken heart-o'-mine? Then something hit me. Why don't I ask HIM who gave me a heart in the 1st place? It is HE who commands the earth and the heavens. But would He mend it for me? It's totally broken, this heart. Used to be filled with love, now it's nothing but a strand of sands. Now I'm full of hatred, emptiness, darkness, and sorrow. Will He fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow?

Dear Allah, I'm sorry that I didn't take good care of this heart that You gave me. This heart is one of the best thing that You ever gave to me. It has helped me to feel joy, love, cherished, kindness, sadness etc. But I'm so sorry. It's broken. And I'm sorry I can't fix it. I can't mend it. I didn't mean to brake it all apart like this. I'm so sorry.

Dear Allah, can You fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow, PLEASE?

T.T

Heaven...

Heaven Knows
Rick Price

She's always on my mind,
From the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
She's everywhere i go
She's all i know

Though she's so far away
It's just keeps getting stronger
Every day
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all these time i act so brave
I'm shaking inside

Why does it hurt me so??

S.O.S

TRUST
Megadeth

Lost in a dream
Nothing is what it seems
Searching my head
For the words that you said

Tears filled my eyes
As we said our last goodbyes
The sad scene replays
Of you walking away

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

Time and again
She repeats let's be friends
I smile and say yes
Another truth bends,
I must confess

I try to let go, but I know
We'll never end 'til we're dust
We lied to each other again
But I wish I could trust

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

God help me please, on my knees
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
Now there's nothing we trust

How could this be happening to me
I'm lying when I say, "Trust me"
I can't believe this is true
Trust hurts
Why does trust equal suffering

Absolutely nothing we trust

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

If only.. If only I could turn back the hands of time... My hours are numberless, my days are gloomy....

Funny, funny how one should have to go on suffering, when everyday I pray with all my might.. "Please come back to me...". Words are meant nothing. Feelings were hurt. Hearts were broken. And life will never be the same again. Can't the world see? She was my world, my heart, my soul. Without her, I lost my will to carry on. I've always been a fighter, but without her, I just gave up. The emptiness is filling me again. How can I go on my life without her by my side?

I miss her laugh. I miss her frown. I miss her yellings. I miss her hugs. I miss her kisses. I miss her "I love u tapi" messages. I miss her "Sayang, windu" messages. I miss the times when I hafta console her for hurting her. I miss her uncontrollable laugh. I miss the way she hugs me when I finished working late. I miss the smile when she said "It's ok if u smell. I love u the way u are." I miss her.

Her.

She was everything to me. Now everything is gone. My world is empty. Love is gone.

Love is dead...

And I wish I could follow it...

Please make the playback stop.....

I love you... I'm sorry for all the things that I've said. I've been such a bad person.

God have mercy on me, 'cause I know I don't...