Monday, March 13, 2006

::The TimE HaS ComE...::

As I lay on my bed, tears flow from my eyes. The memories replayed through my mind. My first toys, first bike-ride, first hug, first kiss.. everything. Tears flow from my eyes, as I remember the first field trip. The memories keep on coming back, like a teather playing and playing on my mind. I can see the face of my lovely mother, my dear father, my cute sisters..

Then I saw IT. The being, the creature of the dark. He stood there. Waiting. Anticipating. No sudden movement. No movement. Just standing still. He looked at me, with a weird face. The face that tells you that he had seen more than what he had bargained for.

Then he moved.

Closer, and closer. As he draws himself near to me, I felt my stomach squirming, as if to tell me to run. But I'm not afraid, neither am I happy. Hollow. Emptiness filled my heart.

Then I remember her.

She's the one that came closer to my heart. The 4th the 3 womans in my life. She's not the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on. But she's the most magnificent human being that God ever sent to me.

But I've let her down.

Again, tears sprung from my eyes, as the memories, our memories, replayed back in my mind. I remember as I first lay my eyes on her. I remember as we first talked. Then we became close. The memories keep on replaying, as HE drew near. I scream under my breath, "STOP!" but HE just ignore it. "STOP! I miss her... please..." I said, but HE just smile at me. Then my heart is filled with something.

Regret.

The thought of facing this alone. She's not here for me, for she hates me more than she hates her high-school enemies. She, the best thing God ever send to me, hates me.

"I miss her. Give me a chance!"

He stood besides me.

"Will she give u a chance?".

I'm dumbstruck. HE finally spoken, and the words cut through my heart, like the wind that cut through the leaves. My heart's shaking. SHE hates ME!! The truth has come. She's the true love for my heart. The HE said "It's time". I close my eyes and prayed hard that she would be here, beside me. Wishes never came true...

I felt the pain, the numbness. The feeling came from my toes, and make it's way north. As the pain and numbness crawl unto me, the memories, our memories, replayed. Our first date, our first kiss, our first tears, our first laughter. Everything is replayed. I wish for the memories to stop, as the pain of losing someone so dear is much more unbearable than the numbness that I felt..

As the feeling crept on my chest, I finally remember HIM. The Imperial Majesty. The Lord of the Universe. He Who Commands The World and The After-World. As I sprung my final tears, I ask for HIS Forgiveness. I ask HIM, please open up her heart so that she'll forgive me too.

The creature just stood before me. The sands of time has finally ran out. The pain is excruciating. I missed her. I missed her touch. Her kisses. Her words. Her smile. I missed the whole her. I'm sorry, but I've let u down, Sayang.

With one, final breath, I admit, with whole-heartedly, that there is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

The it hit me! The sound of an alarm. I woke up. It's a dream. No, it's a nightmare. And yet I found out that I missed my Sayang more than I missed anyone else. I looked around, and I saw HIM. The entiti of death. The one who'll take u away from the world of illusion. He smile at me. The first lesson of LIFE and LOVE is over. With a smile he said..

"I'll be back..."

Saturday, March 04, 2006

...MonKey MocHa!!::

No one there..
Sentenced


The axe, the bottle, and the rope
The feeling there really is no more hope
The thought of the great unknown
And facing it alone
The dark, the silent, and the cold
The feeling I have come to the end of my road
Yes these are the things I spend my remaining moments with

And the wind blows through my heart
Shivers me one last time
As I now reach out in the dark
No one there

Why did it have to be so hard
For us to live our lives
Again I reach out in the dark in despair

The desperation and the snow
The feeling of finally coming back home
The melancholy and the hole in the soil so hard and cold

Your love for me, my love for you
Things we somehow managed to lose
Now there's only the ruthless wind
To blow right through
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
To think we both will die alone

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ok i dunno why do i post this song. I'm feeling kinda depressed. It's like everyone is blaming me for everything. EVERYTHING. I can't do this, can't do that. What they are my mom now? C'mon, I'm nobody's bitch, eh? Most people do this kinda thing for one, pathetic reason - LOVE. Yeah u heard me. Pathetic. Why? Because I'm not their husband! And to make things worst, I'm not even their boyfriend! O_O

It's my fault we broke up. It's my fault she falls in love with a person she doesn't love. It's my fault that I'm telling her what's rite and what's wrong. It's my fault that I'm trying to move on. It's my fault.. sheeshh.. Sometimes I think they are taking advantage of me.

I hate this. The centre of all things. I am to be blame? For the love of God why don't u just shoot me rite on the head? OK the upper head... not the lower ones.. I mean c'mon, I used to be in her shoe. I adore her, but she won't accept me. Things change. The table has turn. God is Most-Fair. I didn't ask for all this shit to happen. I just wish that they would stop, for once, stop, blaming me for all this shit. I miss my cupcake, my Ms. Brainy. She told me that if a person truly loves u, that particular person would wish for your happiness, and won't try to ruin it. I think she's rite. Thank you Ms. Brain. We've secretly been contacting through SMS. She helped me a lot. And it's weird, too. She's not even my friend. At least, that's what she told me. She's just... someone. Yeah.. someone that I know. She felt the same way towards me too. I'm just, someone, that she knew. But to tell the truth, she's someone dear to me. She helped me a lot. I dun think I would sit here if she weren't there, comforting me. Thank you Brain. So, what are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain? :p

Got a new addiction. Monkey Mocha. Yeah. U heard me. Monkey Mocha. It sounds kinda stupid (especially if it's a band's name.. :P) but hey, it tasted better than my friend's so-called iced milo.

I'm depress. I need to cool things off. Ah yesterday's jam session was kewl. Finally we got to play Nymphetamine. Though it didn't exactly sound like Cradle of Filth but hey, try to play it motherfucker!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

::i"ma MonsTeR?::

Your Monster Profile

Lethal Enigma

You Feast On: Hot Dogs

You Lurk Around In: Nude Beaches

You Especially Like to Torment: Cops



-.-"

I have nothing to say about this...