Hijrah..

Akhirnya...

thanks to Boey, aku skarang dah decide nak ditch blogger dan pindah ke wordpress...

dan yang bestnye wordpress bole import blogger punye post ke sana... best seh...


so enough rambling...

my new blog is here

Blurry eyes...

Everything’s so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody’s empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my sea
You know that I’ll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?

Everyone is changing
There’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my sea
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us
But that’s not very far

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?
This pain you gave to me

Oh, Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away

Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
When ya shoved it in my face?
This pain you gave to me

No, this pain you gave to me
Take it all away
Take it all away
Pain ya gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away

This pain you gave to me

..........

.....

no point in pondering the past.

tak guna jugak kalau kita pegi dengan orang yang dah tak perlukan kita.

biasalah. time susah kitalah harapan. time senang tanya khabar pon susah.

i hate it when this happen.

i miss you. but yeah, u dun need me anymore. so i'll just slowly vanish.

The Eternal...

Allah. There is no god but He,-the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures as) before or after or behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory).

(Glorious Qur'an,2:255)

Fitna

Currently there's a new clip that hit the Net. It's called 'Fitna', taken from the Arabic word 'Fitnah', which means to threw false accusation, or something disastrous that can have monstrous effect. This video was clearly made by a stupid person named Geert Wilder, a Dutch politician. Well I dun fucking care if he’s a politician or a king. He’s stupid. Enough said.

The clip started with a depiction of the Quran being open up, and one of the caricatur that depicted Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. is shown, with the turban being changed into a bomb. Later on the clip started with a surah being read, and depicted clips and clips of suicide bombing, the WTC incident (which clearly shows that the USA is still undecided if the Muslims are behind the attack), and such other attrocities.

Clearly Wildeer is stupid enough not to know that to study Qur’an is to study the context of the Qur’an, just like if you wanna study any religious books. Even a person like me can clearly answer his questions and FITNAH regarding Islam, I believed that the learned people of the book can do better than I do. May the curse of Allah be upon him.

Other than that, life is becoming much more harder. I became harsh. I hate the surroundings. The only time that I truly love is the time when I am sleeping, sleeping away from the miserable people around me.

It’s ok. I can face all this alone, insyaAllah. People around me only know their own feelings, without thinking about what am I facing. When things get out of hand, when I can’t give them what they want, THEY LEFT ME. Act of Friendship? Yeah right. Act of Love? Yeah, right.

Facing these stuff alone is hard enough. Being pushed is another thing. May Allah protect me and give me serenity... T.T

It's that hard?

Susah sangat ke nak faham?

Aku tak suka di provoke. Provokasi menyebabkan perasaan aku kepada kau menjadi berkurangan. Aku difitnah. People provoked me for no apparent reason. The only reason they have is "Ko tatau ape aku rasa". WHAT THE FUCK? Dah tu KO tau ape AKU rasa?

Susah sangat ke nak faham?

Yang aku nak kau berubah? Tak payah provoke2 lagi. Aku tak penah provoke kau, walau ape pon perkataan dan perkara2 pukimak haram jadah yang ko cakap kat aku. Kau tak habis2 nak sakitkan hati aku. KAU tak habis2 dengan SIFAT keAKUan ko.. "AKU sakit hati", "AKU yang rasa", "cube tanya kenapa AKU jadi begini"... dan penah tak sekali ko fikir kenapa AKU pulak jadi macam nih?? Kau hanya tau nak provoke. Bila ko tak puas hati, ko buat perangai.

Lepas tuh suka2 sakitkan hati orang. Suka2 tuduh2. Suka2 fitnah. Guru dah ajar, tapi buat lagi.

Kau asik nampak keburukan, keburukan yang KAU cipta dalam KEPALA HOTAK kau untuk BERGADOH DENGAN AKU. Dan aku dah cakap banyak kali KERANA SIKAP KAU YANG NI LAH MENYEBABKAN AKU MENYAMPAH, AKU MELUAT.. AKU TAK SUKA DIFITNAH!! AKU TAK SUKA BERGADOH!!! itu pon susah sangat nak faham ke, bodoh!!

Aku takde buat baik kat ko? Aku tak penah susah kerana kau? Dah berapa kali aku bergadoh dengan orang lain kerana nak MEMPERTAHANKAN KAU?? Yang itu, kau taknak ambil kira??

....... when will you change? T.T

...............

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide..

No escape from reality....

Open your eyes.
Look up to the skies and see...

I'm just a poor boy
I need no sympathy

because I'm easy come easy go

Little high, Little low

Anywhere the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me..

To me...


I'm sorry that I can't be perfect and I'm sorry that I didn't grow up according to plan...

What if.....

... you are left alone without anyone to talk to? Mesti rase macam nak pukul orang kan? Well, I've always have that kind of feelings. Tapi slalu aku tolak tepi dengan bermain2 dengan gitar kapok (tuh pon daripada ikhsan Fariz :p). Semalam je, tiba2 perasaan sunyi tuh timbul. So dengan fucked-up nye aku decide untuk pegi basuh keta tengah2 malam buta. But first, a trip around Johor Bahru uhuhuh...

Macam2 jenis orang aku tengok. Banyak yang tak bestlah daripada best. Lalu kat bandar, nampak few girls yang tengah tunggu bas. Keje shift malamlah kot. Kesian. I've been in their shoes, and damn I was so fucked up back then! Tertekan gile, balik malam, takde time untuk diri sendiri.

And then there are guys, melayu, maybe mixed blood, but still looks like a malay to me, duduk kat tepi2 jalan. From the looks of it, dorang macam dalam keadaan mabuk. Pity them. Actually, kesian kat mak bapak. Kalau parents depa tau, msti rase kecik ati. Aku haraplah supaya aku dan keturunan aku (kalau aderlah) akan dipeliharan daripada perkara2 macam tuh.

Semalam, macam2 aku pikir. Kadang2 rase macam tak diperlukan lagi. I felt that I am no use to the world. Frankly speaking, if I were a non-muslim I'd swear I'll do something stupid last night. Tapi Alhamdulillah, selepas mendengar perdebatan antara akal dan nafsu aku, akal aku menang 1 - 0. So I just toured around JB, ingat nak beli DVD tapi macam takde duit.

Time2 macam nih, aku baru perasan, yang actually, aku ader ke, takde ke, same je. Bukan nak cakap ngada2 atau perlukan perhatian. Aku type nih pon, aku takde perasaan sedih whatsoever. It's a simple, plain truth. Most of the people that I've known to 'need me', don't really 'need me' in the first place. Cakap hanya untuk sedapkan hati aku. I dun mind. I dun even care. Sekarang, kalau orang tak perlukan aku, takpe. Tapi aku sendiri perlukan diri aku sendiri. I am my own friend. I am my own enemy.

Baru perasan betapa besarnya kuasa Allah. Left alone is such a pain. Nampak macam ramia kawan, tapi actually, I felt hollow inside. Ntahlah. Yelah, aku nih takda apa2. Belajar pon tak tinggi. Sapa nak pandang. *haa nih ayat ngada2 :P *

Shah dah selamat pindah KL. Wangsa Maju if I am not mistaken. So no jam session for us for the timebeing. Lepas nih nak jam kene pi KL, or tunggu Shah balik sini.

Depression semakin melanda. Tapi probnye aku tatau nape aku jadi macam nih. Badan ja besaq, hati kecik macam tikuih. Key mark.

.. again I reach out in the dark, in despair...

^.^;;

Damn it.
Why can't I have the peace and serenity that I've longed for? For crying out loud, I work my ass all the time and I don't even have enough time to finish my Devil May Cry. Yeah guys, the FIRST Devil May Cry. Not to mention the math equation of my life here :-

workload + monthly pay

what the heck. And yeah, skarang aku makin lama makin lepaskan ape yang terpendam selama ini. The dark side of me is taking over. (Damn that sounds biblical haha) I don't need someone to smoothers me. I don't need someone to tell me what's right and what's wrong. I just need some support damn it. For some reason, I'm sick of everything! I wish... I have enough money to run away, just for 2 or 3 days. Run away from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE!! Just go to anywhere that nobody knows me, and relax my god-forsaken mind. I imagine, a beach... will lots and lots of small and cute child, with lots and lots of MILF with huge titties and butts hahaha...

I just need to relax my mind, that's all.

Kusut kepala fikir!!

Aku dah penat jaga hati orang. Dah penat fikir orang lain punye susah, orang lain punye perasaan. Heck aku ader jugak perasaan ok? I'm a fucking normal human being damn it. I need money, space, time, comrade, friends etc. I have a small fucking thing called heart damn it!! No matter how black, how fucking disgusting my heart is, it is still, in fact, a god damn HEART! I know the feeling of being left alone, the feeling of being smoothered, the feeling of serenity etc. What's with you??

I wish... I wish this would all go away.

Go away!

I wanna lie down and sleep. Yeah, sleep. Been lacking of it lately.

And I wanna enjoy my time with my console. I wanna enjoy the sweet smell of Mummy's Nescafe (God knows I can't live without it).

And I want, no, I need a fucking burger!

Ignore this entry. It's a totally fucked up entry from my twisted mind.

I think I'm going insane...

Blog memaki

To whom it may concern,

Aku dah tatau nak cakap ape. AKU tolong KAU, AKU tak penah niat nak aniaya KAU!! Tapi apsal ko tak puas ati dengan aku? Apsal ko fitnah aku? BALIK2 cite dulu, BALIK2, cite DULU... ko sedar ke tak sedar yang DULU tuh dah LEPAS?? Binatang pun tau nak hargai kebaikan orang, tak kiralah orang tuh perompak ke pembunuh ke, tapi KAU yang ALLAH S.W.T kurniakan cukup SIFAT, AKAL yang waras, tatau nak hargai kebaikan orang. What kind of human are you, anyway?

Aku memang tak kesah kalau orang buat aku macam nih... biaserlah manusia ader sikit sifat macam nih, aku pon ader, tapi KAU dah SELALU SANGAT CARI PASAL DENGAN aku. KAU nak cerita pasal kisah dulu? KAU pegilah cerita kat SEMUA orang tentang kejahatan AKU, tapi jangan SEKALI2 KAU samakan AKU DENGAN KAU!! AKU TAKKAN SEKALI2 UNGKIT PERKARA LEPAS!! AKU SEDAR YANG DARIPADA AKU BISING2 KAT ORANG TENTANG PERKARA LEPAS, LEBIH BAIK AKU BIARKAN ORANG TUH SENDIRI!! SEBAB MENGUNGKIT PERKARA LEPAS ITU SIFAT YAHUDI!!!!

Oh, saper2 yang terasa @ tidak, yang nak marah @ yang nak gelak, tak payah lah komen kat sini... Aku akan delete segala komen yang ade, so kalau ader yang tak puas ati, email aje aku @ call aje aku. Jangan jadi penakut, hidup dalam bayang2 sendiri.

So kau pegi buat ape kau nak. Aku cume mintak kau jangan menghina aku dengan menyamakan aku dengan kau.

"Bagi kamu agama kamu, bagi aku, agamaku" (Surah Al-Kafirun : 6)

..... Boring post...

Ok. I'm not rich enough to buy both of these OSes.

BUT... being a freak (a poor freak, that is), i uses flyakiteOSX and transform my office PC into a more Mac feel. Hence my poor PC got pimped by me, and it has most of the Mac interfaces, including the dock. No screenshot available, though. :p

Then, after a trip to the second office (called O2 by my colleagues) and having a glimpse at Mr. Wong's laptop, I suddenly felt something magical when I look at his Windows Vista. Yeah, I know, I can't make up my mind. Thank God I'm not THAT rich to buy those OSes, so I got back to my office, browse for some Vista Theme on XP, and found that they have such theme, only without those Aero interfaces. So I guess what the heck, just try the interface.

So I downloaded the pack, uninstall it and try out the theme. Forgot the link, though, but u need to patch up the theme.dll in your pc. The flyakiteOSX did this for me, so no problem there. And so began my PC's life as a mock Windows Vista. It has most of the Vista interfaces, except the glassy effect. The theme did not change my icons and logon screen to a normal Windows, and due to the fact that I uses flyakite before, now I have a Mac logon screen, a Mac icon and a Vista interface. I dunno if I should feel happy or bad about it. T.T

I think I'ma buy meself a new PC WITH Vista. That'll do the trick hahaha...

Oh, and iMac launches MacBook Air. The world thinnest laptop. It's not even 1 inch thick, and weights around 1.36kg. What kind of a technology is this man.... T.T Uses and Intel Core Duo 2 chipset, though. :p

Oh well... job's a hassle. And I like Hui Ming. Hehehehe :p

1.4.2.9

Again. It's new year.

1 Muharram 1429.

To think that Muhammad s.a.w walked all the way from Makkah to Madinah. I've asked those who went to perform their Haji or Umrah (cough.. Fariz.. cough..) and they say that Makkah to Madinah is like from Johor to Perlis, and I go O,o ---> O.O ----> T.T . Can't imagine our great prophet walked all the way, on a desert filled with hot sands and sharp-edged stones. May Allah grant him the eternal peace that he deserved. Without his sacrifices, we would never have known Islam.

Now I am assigned to a new project. The 3-S project. It stands for 'Sales', 'Service', and 'Spare parts'. And to think that the CRMS project is still running. Nahh it's ok, it's my job, aye? Need to put full attention to it, else won't have enough money to buy meself a Playstation 3 hahah :p

My back is killing me. Which I understand why. I barely have enough time for myself, always on the move. Ahad keje. No time for rest. The only reason for me to be home is for my slumber. Kesian pulak kat Mummy. Abeh nak buat macam mana. Kadang2 sibuk gile. Kadang2 orang mintak tolong, takkan kite nak biar orang kan? Tapi yang paling aku menyampah adalah bila orang tak paham bahasa. Nak rehat pon takleh haha.. So what did I do? Ignore them! Sorrylah kalau ade sape2 yang terasa. Bukan sengaja ignore, bukan taknak kawan dah, tapi nak buat macam mana. Jaga diri sendiri wajib maaa... Time2 gini teringat ayat Encik Ismail, old, old friend of mine.. "Enjoy sama2, Keje aku sorang ngadap.." :p

Although I'm running a busy life, I manage to squeeze in some time for my dear console haha. Still into Final Fantasy X, though. And yeah I also squeeze some time for some guitar licks. Bile tah nak jam lagi.

Oh, and I'm working today, 10 January 2008 @ 1 Muharram 1429. See. Still not having a rest at home. Takpelah, cari duit maaaa.. nak beli PS3, nak beli XboX 360. Nak beli macam2, sume pakai duit. Money makes the world go round aye? People judge you not by how good your heart is, but how full your wallet is hehehe..

So yeah... Azam tahun baru adalah untuk menjadi orang yang berduit, berharta, berwang, berpangkat, berjawatan, dan segala yang seantero dengan die. Mengejar harta dunia hahaha..

Semalam dia ada kat rumah aku. Datang nak ambik barang. What the fuck is she doing in my home. Dulu masa bercinta taknak datang mase mak aku ade, sekarang sibuk datang amik barang without letting me know. Bile aku nampak dia, aku rase macam nak sepak pon ade, rase macam nak lempang pon ade. Tapi se-keymark2 dia pon, dia penah tolong aku suatu ketika dahulu. Cume perangai je cam haram, pentingkan diri sendiri. Sendiri aje nak betul. Sanggup buat apa sahaja untuk cover supaya kesalahan tak diletakkan di atas bahu dia. Lepas tuh bile dah terbukti salah, tak reti langsung nak amik hati orang. Pentingkan diri sendiri. Selfish bitch. Bile aku pk balik, memang rasa nak maki aje. Tak guna ada harta, ada rupa, ada pelajaran, tapi perangai macam pukimak haram jadah. I don't believe that I actually used to love her. Nasib baik dia tak jadi bini aku *agaknye*, kalau tak mampos aku kene ikut cakap dia je.

Well, terlepas pulak kemarahan kat sini... Happy New Year kawan2. Semoga dirahmati Allah sentiasa. God Bless You All, my brothers in arms...

2008

New Year!! One year older. One step closer.

Sebelum ape2 pun, takziah diucapkan kepada Cik Mary2 Zaemon kerana telah berjaya membenarkan rumah nya dirampok laju2 oleh orang2 yang tidak bertanggungjawab. Sungguh kesian Cik Mary. But, a strong girl, she is!! Ehhhh... nih darah panglima tau. Keluarga Zaemon pantang menyerah! *menunjuk ke arah panglima gigi*

Lately nih banyak perkara yang aku fikir. Tahun baru. Tapi aku still macam ni. No big difference. Kerja is OK. Just that I'm not quite happy with the management. Not very good on managing manpower. Tapi takpelah. Aku pon baru. Who am I to judge them, yang dah bertahun2 keje dengan Auspac?

Persatuan makin best. Kemahiran dah start. Which means that torturing session has started. Aku tak sempat lagi jengah ke kelas kemahiran. Tapi best lah sbb buat kat atas pasir. Baru best, balik silat luka2 tapak kaki hahahah.

I have an obsession with Mr. Saul Hudson. His guitar skills is like.. WOAHHH. Sure, there are some who plays faster than him *Buckethead.. cough.. cough..* but hey, he's good, ya? I think one of his greatest solo, doodling around the blues scales and improvision is here. Man.. I wish I could play like him... :p

Macam2 perkara yang terlintas kat dalam kepala hotak aku yang memang botak nih. Kerja makin seronok, dapat jalan2, dapat jmpe kastemer baru, which means dapat kawan baru lah. Sume orang cakap aku nih ramah mesra, aku rasa tuh ayat yang sopan untuk "tatau malu" :p hahah

Oh... By the way.. Dark Valefor, Dark Ifrit, Dark Shiva, Dark Ixion is a goner. Arwah. Mendiang. Selamat meninggal... and to think I beat 'em with a low defence and Acc (both haven't even pass 200). Currently, I'm trying to harvest Dark Matter from Dark Yojimbo. I hate him. I hate his dog. And yes.. I hate him!!! Freaking samurai he-bitch keep on dodging my attack!! T.T I need to train my Acc and my Luck *puts on Final Fantasy X game*

Tibe2 aku rindu kat kawan2 Auspac aku. Hahahah best kalau aku datang opis Impian Emas... ader biskut, ader melo, ader kawan2 yang aku memang akan sakat sampai depa sakit hati hahahah *Puan Ayu, terima kasih atas layanan mesra anda. Rahsiamu akan ku pegang*

Other than that, nothing much has happen. 2008 is just like the rest of the years. I hope this year will bring good luck, prosperity, good health etc bla bla bla... and I hope that my friends and family will gain happiness in their future undertaking.

p/s : Saul Hudson = Slash