Supreeemeeee!!!!

Supreme

Robbie Williams

Oh it seemed forever stopped today
All the lonely hearts in London
Caught a plane and flew away
And all the best women are married
All the handsome men are gay
You feel deprived

Yeah are you questioning your size?
Is there a tumour in your humour,
Are there bags under your eyes?
Do you leave dents where you sit,
Are you getting on a bit?
Will you survive
You must survive

When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Oh what are you really looking for?
Another partner in your life to
abuse and to adore?
Is it lovey dovey stuff,
Do you need a bit of rough?
Get on your knees

Yeah turn down the love songs that you hear
'Cause you can't avoid the sentiment
That echoes in your ear
Saying love will stop the pain
Saying love will kill the fear
Do you believe
You must believe
When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

I spy with my little eye
Something beginning with (ah)
Got my back up
And now she's screaming
So I've got to turn the track up
Sit back and watch the royalties stack up
I know this girl she likes to switch teams
And I'm a fiend but I'm living for a love supreme

When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Come and live a love supreme
Don't let it get you down
Everybody lives for love

HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aku dengar Robbie Williams siott!!! What next? T.T buang tebiat ker aku nih?? T.T

Happy Burstday,

It's my burstday on 11th of November... Cool... :P

Nothing much on my birthday... I got a few cards, MCM JB bought a chocolate cake for me (we ate it between intervals of our Ms Excel course) and I got a pair of boxers courtesy of my Rai. n.n;;

Still wasting my life on my PS2 albeit Final Fantasy XII, wanted to go out with 'em guys but they are busy with their exam. Well, at least Shah and Elaine are damn busy with their exams, while Fariz is busy doing his masters.. huhuhahahha

MCM JB actually forced me to participate in some Ms Excel Intermediate course on my birthday. Dangg... later that day we went to BNM JB's branch manager, En. Aziz's open house. Damn his house is damn huge! Situated at the Straits View, his house LITERALLY has the Straits of Tebrau's view. T_T

And finally I can play HALF of the Final Fantasy X's ending theme on the guitar. God damn it it's freaking simple!! T_T

I miss u guys. Where the hell are u all damn it???!!!!! Biler nak pegi makan bubur lagiii???

Priceless....

Ashe The Princess : Belias is the King Raithwall's treasure. The price for such a power is unmeasureable

Balthier The Sky Pirate : Call me old-fashion, but I prefer a treasure we could measure.

-Final Fantasy XII-

I've been busy with Final Fantasy XII. It's draining my life force. I have no time to drink, to eat, or even to make love. The only time I have is with my friends in the jamming studio.

I dunno if I'm suppose to feel happy for getting a chance to play such a perfect game, or to be scared of dying in front of my TV with the PS2 controller in my hand.

-_-"


SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all who knows me, be it friend or foe. Hari kemenangan untuk semua, HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Songs and Music and Stuff...

I ripped this from Boey's blog. You guys should try it out. Hehehhe..

Instructions:
1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to thequestion.
4.) NO CHEATING!!!

The questions and my answers:

1.) How am I feeling today? Warmen - Somebody's Watching Me (........)

2.) Where will I get married? Mr. Big - Wild World

3.) What is my best friend’s theme song? Children of Bodom - Angels Don't Kill (Uhh.. Fariz and Shah should check this out.. :P)

4.) What is/was highschool like? Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls (Recess? Hehehehe.. )

5.) What is the best thing about me? Metallica - Until It Sleeps (Uh... )

6.) How is today going to be? Jeff Becks - 'Cause We End As Lovers.

7.) What is in store for this weekend? Final Fantasy X OST - Ending Themes

8.) What song describes my parents? Stevie Ray Vaughan - Riviera Paradise (Rite..)

9.) How is my life going? Skid Row - Only Seventeen (WoooHooooo!!!)

10.) What song will they play at my funeral? Paul Gilbert - Hawking ( O.o )

11.) How does the world see me? Stone Temple Pilot - Plush (..... huh?)

12.) What do my friends really think of me? Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine (HELL YESSS!!!!)

13) Do people secretly lust after me? Ihsahn - Called by The Fire (Who? Me?)

14.) How can I make myself happy? Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar (Heyy!! I dun drink... -_-" .. but the song does makes me smile.. :D)

15.) What should I do with my life? Eric Clapton - Let it Rain (Rite.... )

16.) Will I ever have children? Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter ( x.x )

17.) What is some good advice? Cradle of Filth - Malice Through The Looking Glass ( ? )

18.) What do I think my current theme song is? Eric Johnson - Cliff of Dovers (Heh Nice one..)

19.) What does everyone else think my current life? U2 - With or Without You (Can't live with.. or without me?? Hey.... )

20.) What type of men/women do you like? Rotting Christ - Shades of Evil (Evil girl? Hell no!! Evil Angle (yes, Angle, not Angel) is enough!!)

21.) Will you get married? Led Zeppelin - Since I've been Loving You (*sigh*)

22.) What should I do with my love life? Children Of Bodom - If you want peace.. Prepare for war (hehehehe... sounds logical enough.. )

23.) Where will you live? Paul Gilbert - Bumblebee

24.) What will your dying words be? Cradle of Filth - Satanic Mantra (HELL NO!! HEY.. I dun wanna end up in Hell, aye? Shessh... guys help me.. T.T )

25.) When im having sex i say.. Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the devil (?)

26.) When I meet a guy/girl for the first time i say.. Stevie Ray Vaughan - Lenny (Who the hell.. )

27.) When my parents are angry i say.. Jimi Hendrix - Machine Gun (LOL)

*lie down with foam in mouth* Freaking funny, and scary too... O.o

Complete this, aye?

Complete This Sentence ???
(ripped from Berry's blog. :P)

i am not: perfect
i hurt: myself to see how much I bleed
i love: no one
i hate: those who hurt me
i fear: The Most Merciful One...
i hear: voices in my head
i crave: for freedom
i regret: hurting people
i cry: every night...
i care: about someone...
i always: love her
i long to: be free
i feel alone: all the time
i listen: to voices in my head
i hide: my psychotic ego
i drive: my family's car
i sing: when I'm sad or happy
i dance: on my enemy's sorrow

i write: my part of life
i breathe: His air
i play: guitars and myself.. :P

i miss: no one
i search: for His Grace
i learn: from Ustaz Ishak Itam
i feel: sorrow and gloomy
i know: that all death are certain

i say: i love you when i mean it
i succeed: in hurting myself
i fail: to be the perfect person
i dream: about my freedom
i sleep: alone
i worry: about my economy
i have: a broken heart
i give: my heart to others
i fight: for what i believe in

i wait: for my turn to be free.....
i need: a decent meal
i am: another pathetic person who walks the earth
i think: about it all the time....
i can't help the fact that: my heart was smash to bits..
i stay: in Johor Bahru.. damn it...

Fixing @ 1%

Waking up early in the morning, I have no thoughts whatsoever. Empty is my head. Walking straight to the toilet, doing normal things that I did for the past few years. Brush my teeth. Shower. Put some clothes. Breakfast. Go to work.

As I stare my pathetic self in front of the mirror, I saw something's wrong with myself, and I wonder, what? I still have my eyes, though it's still swollen and red, but it's still there. I still have my nose, and my mouth. Could it be my tongue? Or my teeth? I open my smelly mouth and looked closely inside of it. Still there. Pinky tongue and not-so-white teeth are still there, hanging on. I still have my arms. My fingers are all intact, along with the nails. My body's still normal (not perfect, mind you.. :P). But wait... Could it be? Awwww shucks... I looked down between my thigh. Yup. Still there, old buddy. We've dated back in 11th November 1982, and I never parted with my old buddy since. Still there. Still hanging on.

I took my bath normally, still thinking about the missing thing. After doing all the washing and cleaning, I put on my robe and took my ablution. Then, on my way to my prayer mat, I realize the missing part of my body. My heart.

Yup, checking on it, it's still there. But not as it use to be. It used to be strong and full of love and happiness and whatever shit u called it. Now it's nothing but dust. Like a sand that went straight through your fingers.

Yup. It's broken.

100% broken.

Here I am, sitting and typing with tears clogging up my eyes. How do I fix this broken heart-o'-mine? Then something hit me. Why don't I ask HIM who gave me a heart in the 1st place? It is HE who commands the earth and the heavens. But would He mend it for me? It's totally broken, this heart. Used to be filled with love, now it's nothing but a strand of sands. Now I'm full of hatred, emptiness, darkness, and sorrow. Will He fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow?

Dear Allah, I'm sorry that I didn't take good care of this heart that You gave me. This heart is one of the best thing that You ever gave to me. It has helped me to feel joy, love, cherished, kindness, sadness etc. But I'm so sorry. It's broken. And I'm sorry I can't fix it. I can't mend it. I didn't mean to brake it all apart like this. I'm so sorry.

Dear Allah, can You fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow, PLEASE?

T.T

Heaven...

Heaven Knows
Rick Price

She's always on my mind,
From the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
She's everywhere i go
She's all i know

Though she's so far away
It's just keeps getting stronger
Every day
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine

So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all these time i act so brave
I'm shaking inside

Why does it hurt me so??

S.O.S

TRUST
Megadeth

Lost in a dream
Nothing is what it seems
Searching my head
For the words that you said

Tears filled my eyes
As we said our last goodbyes
The sad scene replays
Of you walking away

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

Time and again
She repeats let's be friends
I smile and say yes
Another truth bends,
I must confess

I try to let go, but I know
We'll never end 'til we're dust
We lied to each other again
But I wish I could trust

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

God help me please, on my knees
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
Now there's nothing we trust

How could this be happening to me
I'm lying when I say, "Trust me"
I can't believe this is true
Trust hurts
Why does trust equal suffering

Absolutely nothing we trust

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

If only.. If only I could turn back the hands of time... My hours are numberless, my days are gloomy....

Funny, funny how one should have to go on suffering, when everyday I pray with all my might.. "Please come back to me...". Words are meant nothing. Feelings were hurt. Hearts were broken. And life will never be the same again. Can't the world see? She was my world, my heart, my soul. Without her, I lost my will to carry on. I've always been a fighter, but without her, I just gave up. The emptiness is filling me again. How can I go on my life without her by my side?

I miss her laugh. I miss her frown. I miss her yellings. I miss her hugs. I miss her kisses. I miss her "I love u tapi" messages. I miss her "Sayang, windu" messages. I miss the times when I hafta console her for hurting her. I miss her uncontrollable laugh. I miss the way she hugs me when I finished working late. I miss the smile when she said "It's ok if u smell. I love u the way u are." I miss her.

Her.

She was everything to me. Now everything is gone. My world is empty. Love is gone.

Love is dead...

And I wish I could follow it...

Please make the playback stop.....

I love you... I'm sorry for all the things that I've said. I've been such a bad person.

God have mercy on me, 'cause I know I don't...

Come Crawling Faster!!

........

Emotionally unstable. And it's proven that I can't think straight. *sigh*

And now thanks to Pejal, no more jamming2 for me.. at least.. not like it use to be... Fucking bassist toying with my emotion.. I'ma slit his throat..

I can only tell people how to look at things in a positive way, but I can't force them to think like that. This is the fact that I hafta live for the rest of my live, which reminds me of the story of Muhammad s.a.w. He was the greatest person ever walk the earth, yet he himself can't convert his beloved uncle into Islam. Talk about irony...

Went to UTMJB yesterday with Fariz HG, Elaine the Grandma, My Rai and Tick2... Yup.. THE Tick2 whose name I'll pronounce TETEK.. *scratches head* Anyway.. we went there to watch this so-called Battle of the Band, if you can actually call it Battle of the Band. All I see is a few morons making a fool of themselves on the stage singing 'Pieces' by Sum 41 WITH THE LYRICS ON HIS FUCKING HAND!!!! For the love of God, shoot him please!! @.@

Anyway life has it's twist and turns. It's amazing how people can easily ask for a break-up without thinking about the consequences, the chain reaction to that move. Yeah, to all those who knew me long enough, you'll remember the time when I'm a 'chess-freak'. And I'm still a chess-freak!! :P Point is, I tend to think like when I'm in a game.. ahead of time, positional thing, sacrifice, perfect combination... Hence I can't really let the time solve my problem or heal my pain. This is why I hate myself sometimes. I envy those who could just sleep away their problem, who could just let time heal everything.

*sigh*

I need help. -_-"

.....MasTeR!!!

Ok, I'm sitting here in front of the damn PC at 1:00am in the fucking morning wearing my blue 'baju melayu' WITH a 'samping' AND a 'songkok'. Why? Because I'm fucking waiting for the fucking keys to this cyber-cafe...

How bad can this situation be, aye? *sigh*

Just got home from BNM/MCM dinner at Puteri Pacific Hotel (previously Pan Pacific Hotel). Dinner's ok. Nothing much happened except that I finished a hefty amount of prawns and chicken single-handedly WITH a chopstick. Yep. They went "WTF Aloi can uses chopsticks?" (oh, btw, they call me 'Aloi' at the office), and all I said was "Uhhh.. my dad's a chinese, remember?". Ignorance is bliss. :D

No jamming this week. I think this explains the bad mood that I'm feeling this week. Fucking bassist got a fewer. Got damn it he's fucking huge for God's sake! An abomination, even! Can't even fight a damn fever! I know.. I know.. it's not MY band but for the love of God I am part of the jam session!! I played the fucking guitar God damn it! I even did that Shaolin Guitar Techniques and that Tantra Exercise, those that could strenghten u'r finger.. Hell I even practise some licks for that 18 bar song called Little Wings. And all I get was "Jamming canceled. Pejal demam". Now I'll hafta wait for another week to get my hands on the fretboard.. That no-good Pejal... !&^@&*($*(@#&^$%^$^ T_T

Oh, and I have a story. There's this guitarist, a cool one. He's my friend. Hell of a guitarist. Then one day he woke up and said "I wanna be Mike Portnoy". GOD DAMN IT SHAH PLAY U'R GUITAR DAMN IT!! :P

I'll be going to Langkawi next week. Yay! *prepares stuff* And thanks to Boey and Fariz for giving me the Hard Gay thingamajie. God damn it that's soo funny I wish I'm ga- .... Uhhh.. forget I said anything..

-_-"

It's already 1:20am and this CC is STILL ON BUSINESS.... God Help Me.. T_T

Devil May Cry

Do love really change people?

Do you accept people because of who they are, or do you accept him/her bad attitude mainly because of love?

If your girl/boy turn up late for your dinner, would you smile and say "Hey it's ok, people make mistakes", or would you frown and refuse to say a word?

If your friend did the same, would you reply with the same answer?

Love has the power to change perception. To change the way of seeing things. To change people. To change the world. Make the devil cry...

Love is scary if u ask me..

p/s 3 cheers for my bestest friend in the world, Ms. Lilo @ Aziyana for finding her Mr. Right!!

::Lingua Problemo::

There's this serious problem regarding this cyber cafe I'm helping out. There a a bunch of these Vietnamese people lurking around the CC, and the number grew larger, probably 'coz of the new webcam P.E installed. Problem is out of 10 Vietnamese, only 1 or 2 could speak English or Malay. Imagine the problem I have if i wanted to tell them to check their YM's password.

Better yet, they don't even fucking know how or what 'RM 2.00' means. All they do is took out their freaking wallet and shove it to me, asking me to take the mysterious 'RM 2.00' from 'em. They're lucky I'm honest. *finger cross* No.. seriously..

You can tell them to fuck their momma in malay and all they do is stand there smiling that grin at u'r face... and that's not all. They have the high percentage of playing their local songs out loud, turning this heavenly MySAS Cyber Cafe into some MySAS Vietnam Hooker Parlour. God knows where do they obtain their 'rare' songs...

This is me and my girl. Oh, ignore that Ju-On kinda girl on da background. At 1st I was shocked to see this picture, thinking that maybe I just capture the supernatural creature on my phone, then I realize it's just my friend Tick-Tick (yes, we actually call her that.. and I dun even know why.. @.@) busy doing some sms-ing with her friend.. Damn it Tick2 dun do that!!!

Oh, I'ma having my dinner. Been so damn busy I hardly have time to jack of--, I mean, have my dinner.. aha.. ahahaha.. n.n;;

p/s I love the girl in the picture... both of 'em.. *runs away from Rai's deadly pinches*

::Sibu Island::

Sibu Island!!!!! Muahahahahahah!!!!!!

The trip to Sibu Island were GREAT!! Maybe it's the 1st time ever that I followed my colleagues to such a trip. Everything was great.. the boat trip.. the weather.. the sun, the sea, the sand...

And I've touch a 'gamat', sea-cucumber, too bad those guys didn't bring their cameras... darn it!!!

And we also took this picture, idea and setting are from So'od, the person in the middle.... We named this picture.. "Orang-Orang Kaya Simantan"..

::Orang-Orang Kaya Simantan::

Haha! Posing macam orang kaya.. KIMAK!! Poyo nak mampos... :P

::The MaGiCaL HanD oF...

There are countless and countless miracle of ALLAH that has spread through HIS land..
But none of His creature could compare to one, fragile yet very strong, in fact one of the strongest, hand in the world..

That hand that helped me through thick and thin...

....held me when I'm scared in the middle of the night..

....wiped my tears when I'm crying...

....held me when it seems like the world is against me...

....protected me when I was a baby, and still protecting me though I'm strong enough to protect myself..

....feed me...

....slapped me...

....pinched me...

....taught me about the lessons of life...

....would bleed for me...

....never ever rejected me, though I sometimes rejected it...

....which belongs to one woman..

A woman... A mother....

MY mother..

She may never read this, and I'm too egoistic to tell her myself...

But I love you, Mummy. People may think that I'm "mama's boy". Let them talk! All the money and glory in the world could never repay back what she has done for me. Thank you Mummy.

Happy Belated Mother's Day. The hand that rocks the cradle, rocks the world....

.:SoLiTaRy SheLL::

It's been a while since I last wrote my stuff here.

Why, oh why, does Love accompanied by Jealousy? Did they made a pack, long before humans walked the earth? I, myself, felt that jealousy is a burden. It's something that I wish I could cast away.

Jealousy.

It's because of it that The Great Lucifer (or Azazil) fell from the highest level to the lowest level of creature, thus taking the name Satan (or Iblis). And because of it, the first murder was done by Prophet Adam's sons. It seems like jealousy is always in a human's heart.. no.. it's a PART of the human's heart. It's a burden, so heavy that I can't bear it anymore.

Love.

Another of God's marvelous creation. Because of it, we were born. Because of it, we were fed. Because of it, we were able to breath, talk, eat, laugh, cry, etc. But, with Jealousy tagging along, is Love a blessing from above, or a deadly curse, cast upon mankind for their mischievious way?

I dunno. Love is both. A curse and a blessing.

Such is the miracle of God.

T_T

I'm too dumb-struck to post here.

I can't believe this is happening to me.

Why does trust equal suffering?

God help me.

::The Journey::

I stand at the majestic gate, looking forward at what lies ahead of me. The roaring of the metal beasts approach my ear. They looked at me, wondering what am I doing standing in front of the gate. They, didn't know the burden I'm carrying. The time has come. I must start my journey, else everything shall be in vain.

As I walked through the perilious terrains, the sky flashed. Even the Heavens are against my quest. But my heart is set. I will, I MUST, complete what I've started.

The Heavens started to pour out it's content. A drip, then a drop.. The next thing I know the skies are falling, drop by drop. I held on to my only shield. Countless of humans, from the dark-coloured skin to the most fairest of them all, runs for their lives. Did I bring these upon mankind?

As I journeyed through the land, I've stumbled upon countless traps. It seems that even the Earth are against my journey. Will this stop my quest? NEVER! A puny trap won't stop me!

I manage to dogde the traps laid down for me. Here, alas, I stand in front of the gigantic building. Inside dwells hundreds and hundreds of people of all colours, all with their purpose. I don't know if I manage to outcome them all, but I MUST! With sheer bravery, I stepped into the vortex...

People are around me. With my luck (which is at 255), I manage to walk in stealth. The coldness is biting me. I can't feel my leg anymore. But I must continue on! I can see my objective. I MUST complete this!

After the perilious journey, I stand in front of him. The person I MUST speak to to fulfill my quest, my DESTINY....

"Wah, Kingdom Hearts 2 English sudah kluar! Ini baru sampai.."

"OK! Satu aaahh.."

"Lu jalan dalam hujan sebab mau beli ini game kaaa? Itu Square-Enix musti sayang lu punya loohh.. heheheh.. Lima ringgit.."

MIAHAHAHA AKU DAH DAPAT DAH KINGDOM HEARTS 2!!!!

::The TimE HaS ComE...::

As I lay on my bed, tears flow from my eyes. The memories replayed through my mind. My first toys, first bike-ride, first hug, first kiss.. everything. Tears flow from my eyes, as I remember the first field trip. The memories keep on coming back, like a teather playing and playing on my mind. I can see the face of my lovely mother, my dear father, my cute sisters..

Then I saw IT. The being, the creature of the dark. He stood there. Waiting. Anticipating. No sudden movement. No movement. Just standing still. He looked at me, with a weird face. The face that tells you that he had seen more than what he had bargained for.

Then he moved.

Closer, and closer. As he draws himself near to me, I felt my stomach squirming, as if to tell me to run. But I'm not afraid, neither am I happy. Hollow. Emptiness filled my heart.

Then I remember her.

She's the one that came closer to my heart. The 4th the 3 womans in my life. She's not the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on. But she's the most magnificent human being that God ever sent to me.

But I've let her down.

Again, tears sprung from my eyes, as the memories, our memories, replayed back in my mind. I remember as I first lay my eyes on her. I remember as we first talked. Then we became close. The memories keep on replaying, as HE drew near. I scream under my breath, "STOP!" but HE just ignore it. "STOP! I miss her... please..." I said, but HE just smile at me. Then my heart is filled with something.

Regret.

The thought of facing this alone. She's not here for me, for she hates me more than she hates her high-school enemies. She, the best thing God ever send to me, hates me.

"I miss her. Give me a chance!"

He stood besides me.

"Will she give u a chance?".

I'm dumbstruck. HE finally spoken, and the words cut through my heart, like the wind that cut through the leaves. My heart's shaking. SHE hates ME!! The truth has come. She's the true love for my heart. The HE said "It's time". I close my eyes and prayed hard that she would be here, beside me. Wishes never came true...

I felt the pain, the numbness. The feeling came from my toes, and make it's way north. As the pain and numbness crawl unto me, the memories, our memories, replayed. Our first date, our first kiss, our first tears, our first laughter. Everything is replayed. I wish for the memories to stop, as the pain of losing someone so dear is much more unbearable than the numbness that I felt..

As the feeling crept on my chest, I finally remember HIM. The Imperial Majesty. The Lord of the Universe. He Who Commands The World and The After-World. As I sprung my final tears, I ask for HIS Forgiveness. I ask HIM, please open up her heart so that she'll forgive me too.

The creature just stood before me. The sands of time has finally ran out. The pain is excruciating. I missed her. I missed her touch. Her kisses. Her words. Her smile. I missed the whole her. I'm sorry, but I've let u down, Sayang.

With one, final breath, I admit, with whole-heartedly, that there is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

The it hit me! The sound of an alarm. I woke up. It's a dream. No, it's a nightmare. And yet I found out that I missed my Sayang more than I missed anyone else. I looked around, and I saw HIM. The entiti of death. The one who'll take u away from the world of illusion. He smile at me. The first lesson of LIFE and LOVE is over. With a smile he said..

"I'll be back..."

...MonKey MocHa!!::

No one there..
Sentenced

The axe, the bottle, and the rope
The feeling there really is no more hope
The thought of the great unknown
And facing it alone
The dark, the silent, and the cold
The feeling I have come to the end of my road
Yes these are the things I spend my remaining moments with

And the wind blows through my heart
Shivers me one last time
As I now reach out in the dark
No one there

Why did it have to be so hard
For us to live our lives
Again I reach out in the dark in despair

The desperation and the snow
The feeling of finally coming back home
The melancholy and the hole in the soil so hard and cold

Your love for me, my love for you
Things we somehow managed to lose
Now there's only the ruthless wind
To blow right through
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
To think we both will die alone

----------------------------------------------------------------

ok i dunno why do i post this song. I'm feeling kinda depressed. It's like everyone is blaming me for everything. EVERYTHING. I can't do this, can't do that. What they are my mom now? C'mon, I'm nobody's bitch, eh? Most people do this kinda thing for one, pathetic reason - LOVE. Yeah u heard me. Pathetic. Why? Because I'm not their husband! And to make things worst, I'm not even their boyfriend! O_O

It's my fault we broke up. It's my fault she falls in love with a person she doesn't love. It's my fault that I'm telling her what's rite and what's wrong. It's my fault that I'm trying to move on. It's my fault.. sheeshh.. Sometimes I think they are taking advantage of me.

I hate this. The centre of all things. I am to be blame? For the love of God why don't u just shoot me rite on the head? OK the upper head... not the lower ones.. I mean c'mon, I used to be in her shoe. I adore her, but she won't accept me. Things change. The table has turn. God is Most-Fair. I didn't ask for all this shit to happen. I just wish that they would stop, for once, stop, blaming me for all this shit. I miss my cupcake, my Ms. Brainy. She told me that if a person truly loves u, that particular person would wish for your happiness, and won't try to ruin it. I think she's rite. Thank you Ms. Brain. We've secretly been contacting through SMS. She helped me a lot. And it's weird, too. She's not even my friend. At least, that's what she told me. She's just... someone. Yeah.. someone that I know. She felt the same way towards me too. I'm just, someone, that she knew. But to tell the truth, she's someone dear to me. She helped me a lot. I dun think I would sit here if she weren't there, comforting me. Thank you Brain. So, what are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain? :p

Got a new addiction. Monkey Mocha. Yeah. U heard me. Monkey Mocha. It sounds kinda stupid (especially if it's a band's name.. :P) but hey, it tasted better than my friend's so-called iced milo.

I'm depress. I need to cool things off. Ah yesterday's jam session was kewl. Finally we got to play Nymphetamine. Though it didn't exactly sound like Cradle of Filth but hey, try to play it motherfucker!

::i"ma MonsTeR?::

Your Monster Profile

Lethal Enigma You Feast On: Hot Dogs You Lurk Around In: Nude Beaches You Especially Like to Torment: Cops

What's Your Monster Name?

-.-"

I have nothing to say about this...

::Onimusha : Dawn of Dreams::

Ok dun bother about the title. It's the latest game by CAPCOM, the 4th on the Onimusha series. I'm trying to beat the crap out of the enemies there. Somehow the game seems easier than the previous installment.

Sometimes it bothers me when Japanese games went to the market 1st. I mean, I know THEY created the games first (Final Fantasies, Xenosaga, Kingdom Hearts etc) but isn't it better if they did it like Onimusha 4? The game has the option of changing the language, both written and spoken, to either English or Japanese. Which means I can change the written to English but still maintain the Japanese voices. Ahh the cute voice of the lil children.. and the annoying sound of the bad-ass Genma...

I'm beginning to feel cold here. Fever, coming rite up.. *sigh* Haven't finish up my work on buku cenderamata.. *sigh* someone please shoot me on the head.. with a real gun that is..

Ah, how come people get piss off when a person who just broke off found someone else? I know, I know, I'm not being a sensitive man.. But aren't we suppose to somehow.. 'move on'? *sigh* I maybe wrong, but i dun go around making sending sms, stating something outrageous just to piss people off.

It's been a while since I last undergo a jamming session with my friends.. Eh maner korang ah? Hilang pulak dah... tumbuk nak? :P

I miss my PS2.. I dunno if i have a happy life nowadays. But I'm trying to be happy. What's the point of being sad, eh? And then I came across this words.. got it from someone's signature on a forum that I join..

All the darkness in the world could never extinguish the flame of a single candle

Nice, eh? Try to understand the meaning of it. Lucifer must be pissed of by now.. *grin*

say WHAT?

I really dun get it..

How come it's always my fault?

She's the one who had a boyfriend first..

So should I wait for her?

Did i gave her hope? Or izzit the other way round?

I don't get it. It's ALWAYS my fault.

I ALWAYS don't understand her. I ALWAYS pisses her off. What about ME? People always pretend that they care. They care about how I felt. And I fucking hate pretenders. She has a boyfriend. And THAT boyfriend is MY FRIEND. Should I wait?

Is it MY FAULT that she build a relationship with a person she DOESN'T LOVE?

This situation really pisses me off...

LoVe ThinG?

Adakah tapak tanganmu berkeringat, hatimu
berdebar kencang dan
suaramu
tersekat di dadamu?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu SUKA.

Adakah kamu tidak dapat melepaskan pandangan
mata darinya?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu NAFSU.

Adakah kamu menginginkannya kerana kamu tahu
ia ada di sana?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu KESEPIAN.

Adakah kamu mencintainya kerana itulah yang
diinginkan semua
orang?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu KESETIAAN

Adakah kamu tetap mengatakan kamu
menyintainya kerana kamu tidak
ingin melukai hatinya?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu BELAS KASIHAN.

Adakah kamu menjadi miliknya kerana pandangan
matanya membuat
hatimu
melompat?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu TERGILA-GILA.

Adakah kamu memaafkan kesalahannya kerana
kamu mengambil berat
tentangnya?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu PERSAHABATAN.

Adakah kamu mengatakan padanya bahawa
setiap hari hanya dia yang
kamu
fikirkan?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu DUSTA.

Adakah kamu rela memberikan semua perkara
yang kamu senangi untuk
kepentingan dirinya?
Itu bukan Cinta, itu KEMURAHAN HATI.

Tetapi

Adakah kamu tetap bertahan kerana campuran
antara kesakitan dan
kegembiraan yang membutakan dan tak
terfahami ... menarikmu
mendekati dan tetap bersamanya?
ITULAH CINTA.


Apakah kamu menerima kesalahannya kerna itu
bahagian dirinya dan
siapa
dirinya?
Jika demikian, ITULAH CINTA.


Adakah kamu tertarik dengan orang lain tapi setia
dengannya tanpa
penyesalan?
Jika demikian, ITULAH CINTA.


Adakah kamu menangis kerana kesakitannya
walaupun saat itu dia
kuat?
ITULAH CINTA.


Adakah hatimu sakit dan hancur ketika dia
bersedih?
ITULAH CINTA.


Adakah hatimu gembira ketika dia berbahagia?
ITULAH CINTA.


Adakah matanya melihat hatimu dan menyentuh
jiwamu begitu
mendalam
sehingga menusuk?
Yang demikian itulah namanya CINTA.

----------------------------------------------------------

Why did I post this? God knows... :P

I just found out today that some people can't bear the thought that you getting better. Yes, while you're smiling here, there are some of those guys or girls out there are frowning and hating you. But the problem is, these kind of motherfuckers smile and chat and talk and laugh with you when you're around.

True motherfuckers if u ask me..

::Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah::

Hooo boy...

So little time so much to do..

I'm missing someone..

Can't mention the name, though..

How come I'm always on the wrong side? I mean, each time shit happens, they blame it on me.... *sigh*

Ah, thanks to Boey, Ms. Harime a.k.a aNem and Fachak for helping me through in making the booklet for SUkan PERsilatan. It's hell of a work, but with the help of you guys, it's been fun. Thank you very much. May ALLAH bless you all with His Grace and His Mercy...

I'm tired..
I miss my PS2...

::Nymphetamine::

I dunno what to write today. Mental blocking. I had enuff actually. Enuff of people poking through my egoistic mind, challenging me mentally. 'Nak tengok sekeras mana hati aku'. So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

*keraskan hati*

Maybe it's wrong for me to tell someone not to go out at 0200 in the morning. I've heard oh so many cases lately, and I'm just being a good companian by telling someone not to to it. But what do I get in return? I'll put that to your imagination...

Maybe it's because these kinda people have such a thick motherfucking skull, people care about you motherfucker! I can't make it, so you go out with someone else? Nice..

Found out something cool today. Cradle of Filth is goood.. back to the old "Hail Satan" days..

:The Cut, The Stitches and The Pain.....::

Kene fitnah lagi.. *sigh*

Who cares anyway, eh? If she really into me, she won't beLIEve all those lies..

I'm losing someone, not because of her, but because of me. I can't seem to forget. I thought I had a hope, but she blew it away. How I wish she didn't say that kinda words. *sigh*

My Ms. Harime, how I wish you didn't say all those words. You gave me hope, but you rip it away from me.. Of all the people around me, I trust YOU the most.. I thought YOU knew me best...

The wound heals.. but the scars remain.. I really wish we could go back the way we used to be.. but if you don't need me anymore, fine by me...

------------------------------------------------
WILD WORLD
Mr. Big

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby I'm grieving

And if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
A lot of nice things turn bad out there
Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
(yeah...) oh baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child girl
You know I've seen a lot of
What the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Coz I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
Just remember there's
A lot of bad and beware
La...la...la...la...la...baby I love you.

::MiSSinG::

I have nothing to write today.

I miss her.

I really miss her.

Though I can't do anything about that.

So it shall be written..

So it shall be done.

I really wish she'll take back those words.

Maybe she can't see that I can't live without her.

I miss her hugs...

Her kisses..

Her laughter...

Her tears...

Her ways of 'seducing' me...

Her ways of making fun of me..

Her voice when she call me names...

I miss her.. all of her...

Forgive me, but I can't erase YOU from my mind..

I Miss You

T.T

::No oNe TheRe..::

:nO One TherE:
.Sentenced.

The axe, the bottle, and the rope
The feeling there really is no more hope
The thought of the great unknown
And facing it alone
The dark, the silent, and the cold
The feeling I have come to the end of my road
Yes these are the things I spend my remaining moments with

And the wind blows through my heart
Shivers me one last time
As I now reach out in the dark
No one there

Why did it have to be so hard
For us to live our lives
Again I reach out in the dark in despair

The desperation and the snow
The feeling of finally coming back home
The melancholy and the hole in the soil so hard and cold

And the wind blows through my heart
Shivers me one last time
As I now reach out in the dark
No one there

Your love for me, my love for you
Things we somehow managed to lose
Now there's only the ruthless wind
To blow right through

If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
If freezes my heart, my desperate heart
To think we both will die alone

And the wind blows through my heart
Shivers me one last time
As I now reach out in the dark
No one there

--------------------------------------------------------

Nothing to write today. I'm trying hard to look at the bright side.. Everything is planned. Allah has His reasons, and it's not our job to 'ask' about His reasons. Trying hard to play the 'Call of Duty 2', damn it's one, tough cookie if u ask me! I miss my PS2... I'm missing someone actually.

Went for the usual jamming session with Shah and Fariz. Just the 3 of us there. Felt like Blink 182 there, with Ms. Jackie strapped on Shah's shoulder. So it's Blink 182, but with a kick-ass solos. Played the usual routine, Shah on the guitar, Fariz on the drum, and yours truly on the bass. Heheh, Shah said I looked different when we played 'I Remember You'... Feeeling lebih katenyer... *sigh*. And i injured my ribs while singing 'Alma Mater', dun ask me how I got those injuries, I just did...

I really wish she's here now..

::CoW-rban::

Korban.. Sacrifice. We need to sacrifice things in our lives, in order to gain a better stuff. Prophet Ibrahim sacrificed his beloved son, the Prophet Ismail, thus gaining Allah's Love and Forgiveness. But people don't usually see that by sacrificing something, you'll gain more good stuff later on. I think that's why it's called IMAN.. the abilities to believe something that you cannot see.

I went to Muar, to Kak Ati's hometown, on Hari Raya Qurban. It was a great trip! The best part was, the 3 of us (Fariz, Abg Man n I) had to, well... 'lapah' the head of the cow. Imagine us, without any knowledge of 'lapah' whatsoever... we're lucky Abg Bandi's dad was there. He showed us the rite way, the 'OTAI' way of cutting of the skin from the meat, the meat from the bone. The hardest part was, believe it or not, is to take out the freaking brain out from the skull. Cows have a hard skull, believe me. When people say "You're head is like a cow", go on and say "Why, thank ye..". It's so fucking hard. The cow can bang his head on the road and say "Hey, I'm perfectly ok".

After 2 fucking hours of 'lapah'-ing the head of the cow, we get to pampered ourselves with a nice, rib-soup. HeLL yES tHaT wAs sUcH a NicE TreAt!!! It's fresh, nice, warm, juicy, uhh.. wait.. now that sounds obscene...

Next stop, Ecah's house. Fariz's beloved girl's house at Batu Pahat. Such a nice family, they are.. Had a nice chat with her parents. Such a sweet couple. :D

Arrived at home around 1:30am. Damn tired. But hey, we gained sumthing new.. Now I can go around n say "I've cut out the brains of a cow..". Sounds like a black metal follower to me.. :P

::NeO::

The title is another name for "new".

New blogs, new life, new friends, new hobbies...

Just watched the movie "Saw 2", the sequel to "Saw", and hell those are the most psychotic movie i ever saw!!! But it does teaches us one thing, appreciate life and those around u. I dun wanna spoil the movie, better go and watch it u'rself! :D

I've been thinking, what's with the kids nowadays? I mean, when I was roughly 9 years old or so, I dun even dare to step out of the house without my mom's permission. Dun wanna mess with her.. know wot i'm saying here? But the kids nowadays are totally different, there are a few parents came into the cc and ask me about their kids. I mean.. "how the fuck should I know about those kids, eh?". I'm not saying that my parents are better than this 'new age' parents, it's just that these kids are more.. 'kurang ajar'. Sorry, that's the most polite word I can think of now. There are even those who came into the cc and did something like this..

Kid : Bang, bukak PC17, open eh.
Me : Eh, tak boleh, bayar dulu dik.
Kid : *with a loud voice* Hah? Bayar dulu? Tak payah lah, open ajerlah.
Me : *stands up* Aku cakap bayar dulu, ko pulak nak ajar aku.
Kid : Kalau bayar dulu takper lah. *Walk out*

The kid's lucky he's not my lil bro.. Bet Boey my friend have faced the same, or near, the situation above. Darn brat!

::aHaD YanG SuRaM::

:gLooMy SunDaY:

Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday

Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are sad I know
Let them not weep let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Gloomy Sunday

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart, here
Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you

Gloomy Sunday